A time to reflect

I always sit and start to reflect my life around this time of the year. I sit and think about what I want to change if anything and where will I start. This year has been some year. I have had some ups and downs but mostly ups. I'm enjoying married life, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My downs are the fact that I'm not pregnant yet. It's funny you grow up and have everything thought out and then you get curve balls. I'm ready for what ever God has planned, to some it doesn't make sense that I say that and use fertility drugs and things like that. But I do use them to help my body and I know God will bless us with a child one day and I'm just preparing for it. This year has been a growing experience for me. I have seen me have days that I thought would never happen. I have seen myself do things that I know ain't me. The funny thing is, when I do things that ain't me I haunt myself with them until it drives me crazy. Instead of just saying okay I made a mistake or that isn't me and just moving on. I feel that I need to punish myself if no one does. That is sad I know but, now I realize that it is something I need to work on. I need to take life for what it is for. I need to stop living in the past and live for now. Which I'm enjoying right now. There are moments when I just can't believe that I am the person that I am. The little Tasha I knew isn't little anymore. I'm grown and have all these emotions and passions for different things. I'm just so happy that my husband supports me so much in whatever I want to do and he doesn't complain (well not to me). But I love him dearly. Everyday I just look at him and think that I'm dreaming. He is my other half and without him I'm just half empty. But as this historic year come to an end, I do know a couple things that must change. My attitude towards myself has got to change. I have to start thinking positive. Another thing I must change is just relaxing. Sounds easy, but for me relaxing was doing work. But at the same time working stresses me. And stress isn't good all the time. Another thing I must change is to just don't worry about the big stuff. Do what I can do and let that be it. If people don't like it then that is too bad. These are all things that I feel I'm already starting to change, and once they are complete my family will be complete.

This cycle I hope for the best. I hope that what we have been wanting for some time now happens. I hope that I do get pregnant and that we finally start our family.