I'm so ready for this new journey

I'm ready to be a mother and to add to my family. Why isn't my body ready for the same thing. It seems like every month I just do what my mom use to do to me. Set me up for a disappointment. I'm ready for this new journey why must it take so long. I sit and read about women who have been trying and trying. Then the get pregnant and I sit and wonder what the hell am I doing wrong. I'm ready...I'm ready for the late nights, crying, the changing of pampers, the I hate you mom, the struggles in school. I'm ready for all of that. Why is it taking me so long to be a mother. I sit and read and try my hardest to do what is right and yet still I have no child. I'm ready. The advice that some give me, I don't like. It's like they make it sound so easy and it isn't that easy. I want this child more than anything right now. I have be praying for a child since Oct. 2005 and it is 2009. I believe that it is my time. I'm ready. All I can think about is how ready I am to have a child this year. Their are women that have babies every day that don't need them or don't want them. Here I am ready to have a baby and ready for what ever comes along with it. I know my dad sometimes can't believe that I want a baby and he may even think that I'm not ready, but I know that I am ready. Orlando is ready. I'm ready... So what is the problem. All I want is to have a child. To be a mother is the most special and unique feeling any woman will feel. I see that as a teach. I love my students. And I just want to have one of my own. A child that is mine. A child that is a mixture of Orlando and I. A child that will always be my child no matter what. A child that I can share with my family. The feeling of watching my own child sleeping. The feeling of knowing that my child is special. Motherhood has always been something that I wanted for a long time. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and to give birth to a child that is me. I found my soulmate and now I just want to complete the circle. While it takes very little for some to get pregnant it feels like it is taking a lifetime for me to give birth to a baby that is part me and him. This past year of me trying to understand what I need to do I still feel lost. I feel that I'm just in limbo. I am ready to have a baby. I'm so ready to give birth and feel my own child. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, it just feels that way at time. This whole month I kept believing that this was the month. I stayed more positive than I have ever been this past year. Then today I sat and realized that it isn't this month. Taking test and just hoping isn't helping either. I know God will allow me to be pregnant when it believes that I need to be. I believe God has the plan all figured out. I just want to know when is it going to be my time. When is it going to be my time to be a mother. To have a child call me mom. When will it be my time to hold a baby and know that this is mine. I sit and imagine what it could feel like but I can't. I just want to be a mother. I want that feeling more than anything right now. I feel like it's my time to share and feel what so many other women feel. I'm ready for the challenges and the happiness. I'm ready for pains and joys. I'm ready to be a mother. I'm ready to get pregnant and feel another human in my stomach. I'm ready to give birth and hold the future of our world. I'm ready for this new journey into motherhood. I'm ready to carry the world on my shoulders and know that one day my child will be somebody. I'm ready to add to my family. I'm ready for the cries and smiles of my own child. I'm so ready for this journey into motherhood.