November 20, 2008

Well this year is slowly coming to an end. I just sit back and think about this past year. It has been a wonderful and a trying year for me. One of the saddest things is the fact that I'm not pregnant yet. I'm still hopeful that it will happen when God wants me to be pregnant. But the waiting for me is what gets me. Because it seems like everyone else all they have to do is think about it and it happens. To be honest, I'm use to having to try harder than everyone else. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to do that with this. But like always I feel like I'm the one left behind. It's like I'm all alone again. The feeling of when I was younger and didn't or couldn't do like others. It's like when I was in high school I had to work hard in getting guys to even think of me as a girlfriend. And now I'm having to work hard in getting pregnant. I'm kinda tired of some people saying just have sex 3 times a day or just have sex every other day. I have tried all of that and it didn't work. I know that getting pregnant can be difficult for women, especially women like me that don't get a regular cycle. I want to think positive about it but then every time I turn around I see someone that is pregnant or some that just had a baby and I just get depressed and sad. I'm happy for everyone that has kids but at the same time. Having children has been the one dream that I decided to wait on. It's a dream I knew would come with the right person. And now that I'm with the right person I really want it to happen. I sit and think am I being selfish about having a baby now. I think one minute that I need to have a baby and the next that having a baby will be too much for me.